Preparing for End-of-Year Family Stress
Tomorrow is our time for the “happy Christmas” that department store jingles, festive carols, and teachers at school have all talked about. But these set the stage for a common, yearly disappointment. Between a third and a half of the adult population are starting to experience a yearly increase in distress. Some reasons for this yearly dip in mood include financial pressures, conflicts with family, and feelings of loneliness at a time when everyone else seems anything but lonely. Due to the loss in families most effected by Covid, as well as political and economic instabilities at the moment, the percentages are likely to be worse this season than in the past. In many cultures, women are hardest hit as they carry the domestic responsibility for making sure the holiday is a good time for everyone else.
You might think, “But time away from work is great!” For many people it is. In fact, about three quarters of the population report “often” experiencing happiness and love at this time. But even for many of those people, work provides the structure and defense needed from the stress in family relationships. As a management consultant bemoaned, “There was no problem I couldn’t avoid by getting on a plane on Monday morning. Now that I’m stuck at home it’s all different!” If you anticipate having difficult contact with family, preparing psychologically will be a valuable present to yourself. Here are 5 simple tips some clients have found helpful:
1. Identify likely conflicts: If you anticipate some problematic experiences, reflect on how to prepare yourself. E.g., if you think Aunt Janice is again going to complain about your cooking, take some time to think about how you want to respond. It might be satisfying to fantasizing about offering a surly comment but given the predictable consequences, is that what you want? If it isn’t, consider alternatives ahead of the experience. Perhaps ask someone you trust to help you strategize.
2. Communicate with those you can support you: Once you have identified potential problems communicate them to the people who can look out for you either to keep you on track or to help you get out of a difficult situation. Saying to your partner, “If you see me getting frustrated with Janice, call me into the kitchen” might be all it takes.
3. Consider saying “no” more often: It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the pressure to over-commit, over-drink, and overeat. After a few exhausting events, and then Christmas, or New Year’s Eve, it’s normal to be tired and not on best form. In that state no one is at their best to handle difficult family experiences. Consider saying no to invitations or requests that don’t align with you.
4. Take time for yourself: The holiday season can be hectic and overwhelming. Make sure to carve out some time for yourself to relax and recharge. This could be as simple as taking a walk, reading a book, or engaging in a favorite hobby.
5. If things get really tough, know that professional help is available even in this festive season: If you are feeling overwhelmed and talking with friends and family isn’t helping, consider talking to a therapist or counselor.
By psychologically preparing for time with family and friends, you have a better chance of enjoying this season rather than joining the third of the population who finds it stressful.
References for the Prevalence of Holiday Distress
“Holiday Stress” (2006) https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2006/12/holiday-stress.pdf
The Prevalence and Impact of Holiday Stress and Depression on US Adults: A Nationwide Survey." Journal of Affective Disorders, vol. 199, 2016, pp. 95-101.
Holiday Stress and Depression: A Nationwide Survey in Korea." Psychiatry Research, vol. 214, no. 1-2, 2014, pp. 191-197.